Sunday, January 17, 2010

Letting Go...

It's the hardest thing to do. To let go. I realised that since the past few years, I've forgotten what it's like to let go, to just live each day in complete trust that the Universe will take care of me tomorrow. I don't need to worry.

Part of it has to do with me joining the corporate world. Before I began working in a regular job, when I was sudying in the US, I never really thought too much about my future. Not that I think about it all the time now, but there was a lot more emphasis then on just doing a whole lot of interesting things each day - studying, creating class projects, singing.. a lot of it, organizing cultural programs, having awesome conversations with people from all over the world. And of course, travelling, whenever I could afford a trip somewhere. My choices were simple; the reasons why I chose things were simple. I did things because I enjoyed doing them. Not because I felt someone or society expected them from me. I don't remember ever asking myself the question: "where will the money come from?". Money never seemed to be a motivator or de-motivator, it manifested when I required it. Where it came from was immaterial. The fact is it was there when I needed it. Enough of it for me to be comfortable.

I must admit that ever since I started getting a salary every month, my trust factor in the Universe began to erode. I began to be convinced that 'I' was the one earning the money because of 'my' hard work. Period. And that's not entirely untrue, except that at some level, I had carved out this rule in stone: the more the work (read as sleepless nights, for the most part), the more the money. That's how the equation began to pan out for me. I slowly started to forget that a benevolent Universe is constantly working through me, loving me, inspiring me, and willing me to be every bit of who I am. That if the job goes away, that if I don't get that promotion or raise, I will still be me - luminous, loved, and admired in a way that can never be matched by a salary increment. It's called unconditional love. Something that the business world knows little of.

It's only recently that I've starting working on getting my trust in the Universe back in place, bit by bit. Whoever coined the term "rat race" was genius, I must say. For that's what it truly is. The corporate world is a race no doubt, and everyone's in it pretty much for themselves. From being someone who did what I did only because I enjoyed it, I began to believe that "'I' earn money because of 'this job', and if I don't do 'this job' I won't have any 'money'." With this thought, I perpetuated the biggest myth that many of us continue to live each day. I'd like to clarify here that in no way am I implying that I should sit at home, sleep all day, and then hope that my bank account somehow fills up. I'm writing this knowing fully well that I am incapable of NOT doing anything, so the question of lazing around for extended periods of time doesn't arise. However, it's the notion of inextricability from the rat race, and the illusion that somehow that is the only way for me to make money, that I am questioning.

I am questioning the amount of importance that we place on these jobs, that we're willing to tear the others apart just to feel good about ourselves. That we're willing to back bite, manipulate, and otherwise cast apsersions on people's motives, just because they got a promotion that we didn't. That we're willing to ruin our health, our mental peace, and most importantly, our spiritual connection, just to be ahead in the race. I ask... to what avail?

I thought of this analogy the other day. Life is like a video game. Have you ever played those video games in which the player has to climb mountains, hop across valleys, do all kinds of supernatural stunts to move to the next level? And along the way, the player must grab little pieces of treasure to gain points?

The more the treasure, the more the points. The player acrobats across topographies with cartloads of treasure in hand and crosses the finish line, beaming. End of game. Life is a lot like that, and very different too. The difference is that in life, just before crossing the finish line, you need to dump all that treasure into a big pit. Relieved of all the baggage, you can then proceed past the finish line. Your treasure may have earned you numerical points, but guess what - the counter gets reset to zero just before you cross the finish line. Those points were for the fun of the journey. Just intended to spice things up a bit while you were at it.  Nope, the points ain't going along.

What's fascinating is that in life's video game, every time you stopped along the journey to admire a sunset, every time you stopped to help an injured animal, every time you stopped doing the acrobats and just stayed put for a few seconds, every time you felt really really happy even while doing the acrobats... each of these times, your inner light got a little brighter. And the beauty is that the more light you have inside, the more light you've also been able to leave behind. You've left behind a trail of light, and yet it's all there in you. It's going with you, finish line and beyond. End of this game. Beginning of a new one! That's life. As I have understood it so far.

So instead of getting obsessed with the treasures along the way, I'm going to focus more on the light within. But you know what, I love living the good life. So yes, I'll pick up the treasures along the way. I'll enjoy them too. But my happiness will not be because of them, it'll be inspite of them.

Here's to life! Here's to the trail of light we're going to leave behind!


S said...

I see you are on the right track, my friend:-)

Swapna Maini said...

So so true!! Like the Bhramakumaris say, "'You' are not your body, 'you' are your soul!" This body and every material thing we accumulate with it will all be left behind... what we'll take with us is the light in our souls! Cheers to lives filled with lots of light, peace and happiness!! :)